A Husband's Lament Upon a Cruel Deception

My dear, sweet petunia,
More precious than life.
My partner, my companion,
My sweetheart, my wife.

Many years ago now,
We two became one.
We've stood, hand-in-hand,
And watched the years run.

And with each passing year,
Our love, it has grown.
We've reaped bountiful harvests,
From the seeds we have sown.

I've toiled every day,
But looked forward each night,
To return to our homestead,
And your welcoming light.

And each eve as I came,
To our doorstep at last,
You welcomed me in,
To a hearty repast.

Both famished from labors,
We've sat down to dine,
On the beasts of the wild,
And the fruit of the vine.

But now you have stung me,
Though no words you have spoken
Our love, it is crushed,
Our trust now is broken.

My intolerance for dairy,
O'er the years, has grown stronger,
Until milk, cream, and butter,
I can abide no longer.

This aversion to dairy,
Is well known to you.
You've heard and you've smelled,
What that stuff makes me do.

But you try now to trick me,
And present me, instead,
With this strange new concoction,
To spread on my bread.

You tell me it's fine,
Even good for my heart.
It won't clog my arteries.
It won't make me fart.

You think me a fool,
But I can tell you right now,
That this smooth preparation,
Must have come from a cow!

This cruel hoax, my dear,
Has sent my heart all a-flutter.
I struggle for words.
I stammer.  I stutter.

I bellow, I howl,
I spout and I sputter!
I will not, I can not,
Believe it's not butter!